The transfer chat window has been open for twenty-five hours. Recruitment posts scroll past at a rate that suggests several states have confused this chat with a personal ads section and at least one has confused it with a crime. Amid the NAP agreements and bear schedules, one figure has appeared more often than any recruiter, any moderator, and any reasonable explanation for what is happening in this channel: a small cat holding signs.

The cat has no verified state affiliation, no known power level, and no apparent interest in Whiteout Survival as a game. It holds signs. The signs are messy. It does not stop. This correspondent requested a formal interview. The cat agreed, or at least it appeared again, which in transfer chat passes for consent.

Griff: Let's start at the beginning. Every career has an origin story, even the ones that probably shouldn't exist. Why did you start doing this?

Cat holding sign that reads: I was told I have the right look for RADIO

Griff: You've been out here for twenty-five hours straight holding signs that would get a person removed from most public spaces. Do your arms get tired?

Cat holding sign that reads: NO

Griff: This correspondent has watched you cycle through approximately forty signs in the last day, and not one of them has contained a bear schedule, a NAP level, or anything resembling useful information. Have you ever considered holding a different sign?

Cat holding sign that reads: I TRIED TO BE NORMAL ONCE, worst 3 minutes of my life

Griff: Everybody's got to make a living, even in transfer chat. You show up, you hold the signs, you leave. Or you don't leave. It's unclear. How do you get paid?

Cat holding sign that reads: sarcasm and orgasim, two things a lot of people don't get

Griff: When the transfer window closes and the last recruitment post sinks to the bottom of the channel, where do you go? Is there a life outside of this?

Cat holding sign that reads: LOOKING FOR A BADDIE TO STEAL ME

Griff: Do the moderators know you're here? Has anyone in any official capacity ever acknowledged what is happening in this channel?

Cat holding sign that reads: Looking

Griff: This correspondent has received complaints. Multiple states have flagged your signs as inappropriate, offensive, and in one case "an act of war." Have you ever been reported?

Cat holding sign that reads: Hey, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every day

Griff: Let me rephrase. Do you have any kind of permit, license, or authorization to be doing what you are doing in this channel?

Cat holding sign that reads: YES

Griff: Sources indicate there are multiple cats operating in transfer chat using the same sign format, the same face, and the same complete disregard for community standards. Are you the same cat every time, or are there several of you?

A different cat appeared. This one was wearing a bow.

A different cat wearing a bow, holding a sign that reads: I like men a little strict, I'm not going to listen but I love the effort

Griff: In your entire career — and this correspondent is using that word as loosely as it has ever been used — what is the worst sign you've ever held?

Cat holding sign that reads: Please Like My Island

Griff: Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Cat holding sign that reads: Looking for a Mommy

Griff: Any final words for the people of transfer chat?

Cat holding sign that reads: Burn people who love pineapple pizza

This correspondent has requested reassignment. The request is pending.

—Griff Harpoon, actually reporting.