Mordukai's New Year's Resolution: Ignore Whaleslaughter

By Griff Harpoon · 2026-01-01

Mordukai kicked off 2026 by flooding world chat with his resolutions: win the next one, feel very mighty, and—most importantly—stop listening to Whaleslaughter. Someone tried to blame the whole thing on Sin. Mordukai corrected the record with laughing emojis. The man then celebrated his liberation with approximately seventeen messages about his newfound freedom. The poop emojis were not subtle. Meanwhile, Voldemort told everyone to stop talking nonsense while simultaneously contributing to the nonsense. If this is what ignoring Whales looks like, he's doing a terrible job of being quiet about it. —Griff Harpoon, actually reporting.