Kartal's Real Estate Nightmare: The Perils of Proximity

By Griff Harpoon · 2026-01-31

If you want to know what bad luck looks like, look at Kartal. He's currently parked so close to the turrets that he's basically part of the furniture 2316 is trying to break. Every time the enemy rallies the objective, Kartal catches a stray hit, a mistimed rally, or just pure 'wrong place, wrong time' aggression. He's teetering on the edge of getting zeroed, not because of a grand strategy, but because he's a bystander in a war zone he chose to live in. At this point, it's a coin flip whether he moves or just disappears into the history books as a casualty of geography. Someone get the man a relocation portal before his city becomes a permanent crater. —Griff Harpoon, actually reporting.