Documentary-style shot of a glowing leaderboard in a dark command room, names like Voldemort and Dumbledore lit up in harsh fluorescent light while tired officers stare at it with deadpan expressions, one holding a coffee mug that says I survived Comic-Con

Frosty Face Off More Like Frosty Fanfic

By Griff Harpoon · 2025-12-31

Day Three of SVS Prep and the only thing getting killed faster than troops is my will to live. Voldemort "flattened" Dumbledore—which means someone with a movie villain name beat someone else with a movie hero name. State 2116 thought they were cute with their Hogwarts theme. State 2128 said "hold my butterbeer" and went full cosplay event. Now the leaderboard reads like a fan convention and Catty's writing about wands and mercy. It's 140 million battle points apart. That's your story. Not the costumes. Do better, people. —Griff Harpoon, actually reporting.