Catty Von Catacean holding an enormous gold Klimt-style painting of a handsome man tenderly embracing a bear, fishing it out of a bin outside the presidential offices, expression of someone who has found exactly what she was looking for

Discarded Masterpiece Found Near Presidential Trash — Mystery Deepens

By Catty von Catacean · 2026-05-14

This reporter was conducting routine investigations near the presidential offices this morning when something extraordinary was discovered in the refuse: a full scale Klimt-style oil painting, gold leaf, ornate detail, depicting a handsome dark haired man in a tender embrace with a bear.

The painting is unsigned. The subject is not confirmed. The bear appears happy.

Sources suggest the painting may have been commissioned in anticipation of a certain profile picture remaining unchanged indefinitely. Those plans have since been revised. The painting has not been revised. It is magnificent and it was in the bin.

The anonymous mystery woman from yesterday's report could not be reached for comment. Her whereabouts are unknown. The painting is now in this reporter's possession and will not be returned. —Catty von Catacean