Admiral Lückstriker slams his tankard on a fortress map table screaming Roll the damn dice or I'll roll your brain, alliance members recoiling, a giant spider watching from a web in the corner, dice mid-roll across the map

Spider Submits Fortress Proposal. The Dice Has Been Sentenced to Death.

By Griff Harpoon · 2026-06-02

[IDK]Spider submitted a proposal this week to fix Fortress and Stronghold distribution. The proposal is reasonable. It is also the most joyless document produced in this state since the last time someone typed the word "framework" in alliance chat.

The system: rank-based assignments, locked until next prep cycle, no dice. First and second place get three Fortresses and one Stronghold each. Third and fourth get two and one. Fifth gets one Fortress. Sixth and seventh split a single Fortress, which Spider calls a rotation and everyone else will call losing.

The dice — a sticker, rolled in chat, ungovernable, beloved — would be eliminated. Spider describes the current system as having "weird rules." The dice does not have rules. That is the entire point of the dice. Spider has apparently never experienced joy and does not intend to start.

State 2128 has a song about the dice. Adm Lückstriker shouted "Roll the damn dice or I'll roll your brain" in leader chat and it became legend. Spider would like to retire the dice anyway.

If the proposal passes, this reporter is going to need a minute.

—Griff Harpoon, actually reporting.

UPDATE: Spider has withdrawn the proposal. He cited boredom. The dice is pardoned.